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The news item that started it all had this headline: “Kendall Jenner Struggles to Climb Stairs in Fitted Dress at Kourtney’s Wedding.”
I just had to take a screenshot of that “news story” when it appeared in my email inbox. I mean, I could envision the editors at People magazine yelling “Stop the presses! We’ve got the scoop of the year!!!”
That was in May 2022, and since then I’ve created a Hats Off to Celebri-Tease Headlines collection, with at least one item being added each month and sometimes as many as three in one week. Yes, the old journalism prof genes continue to function.
The reason I’m telling you this now is that in the last month I’ve added five headlines concerning Taylor Swift. I’m sure many more were available.
In case you’ve missed the deluge of “news” about Swift and Travis Kelce, Kansas City Chief’s tight end, let me fill you in. They’re dating. Here’s the Sept. 25 headline that laid bare this fact: “Taylor Swift Leaves with Travis Kelce Post-Game: ‘Of Course’ She Accepted Invite, Source Says.”
Items in my collection are gleaned from daily emails that People sends me (I don’t even know how that got started because I don’t subscribe to the magazine). But to be fair, as I cast my darts, let me say that I’ve also seen similar headlines in other magazines. People just amasses them for me, like the proverbial fish in a barrel.
Here are some of my other Swifties so you can see how this internationally important sequence of events played out:
Sept. 20 – “No, Jason Kelce Didn’t Confirm Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift Are Dating – Here’s What He Really Said.” (I’m so out of it I didn’t know that Jason and Travis are brothers, and that Jason also plays in the National Football League.)
Oct. 1 – “Taylor Swift Spotted with Arm Around Donna Kelce in Suite During Chiefs-Jets Game.” (Donna Kelce is Jason and Travis’ mom.)
Oct. 16 – “Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Seen Holding Hands for Second Time After Dinner in New York City.” Whew – now it’s settled. If they’ve held hands twice, it must be real.
Oct. 27 – “Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s Romance Is ‘Turning More Serious.” Oops. I called the Oct. 16 headline too early; we’re still assessing.
Wanna see some more Celebri-Tease Headlines? I thought so.
Jan. 23 – “Christopher Meloni Shares Footage of Wife Sherman Williams’ Night Out in Heels for Her 63rd Birthday.” (Meloni is an actor on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.”)
June 15 – “Jennifer Lawrence’s Mom Sold the Star’s Used Toilet on Craigslist.”
Aug. 4 – “Kourtney Kardashian Shares Her IHOP Breakfast Feast.”
Aug. 29 – “2 People Injured After Woman Concealed Gun in Her ‘Belly Fat’ at Chicago White Sox Game.” (Technically this isn’t a celebrity headline, but still ….)
Aug. 31- “Paris Jackson Defends Her Armpit Hair from Social Media Trolls.” (In case anyone has forgotten: Paris is Michael Jackson’s daughter.)
Sept. 11 – “Meghan Markle Picks Up In-N-Out Burger at Drive-Thru While Prince Harry Is at Invictus Games.”
So, what do such headlines tell us about the state of the world and who we are as humanity? Perhaps they reveal our fascination with the trivial and the bizarre, or maybe our need for distraction and entertainment in a chaotic, uncertain world. Or maybe they just show how low the standards of journalism overall have fallen, how much we’re missing regarding the real stories that matter.
Whatever the case, I hope you enjoyed my collection of Celebri-Tease Headlines. Who knows? Maybe one day we’ll see this headline: “Bing AI Wins Pulitzer for Celebrity Culture Column.” Now that would be something.
